Why Do They Do The Things They Do?

"Women. They just keep yammering. No wonder men leave 'em." I hear ya, soul sista; loud 'n funkin' clear, baby.

Turn Ons...

"Star, y'know what I like aside from feet? And I like feet to look at, but I don't have one-a those weird fetish things. I just like feet. Well, I like lisps. Y'know who's got a lisp? McNally from the old Detention Technologies board. Just once I wanna hear him say Lipshutz. Just once." Another dream never to be realized...

God Damn Know-It-Alls

So Cyph had a caller who insisted that,
"There's something wrong with your system."
"Bitch, it's you! Ain't nuthin' wrong wit the system. Yo, watch this-'I refreshed the system ma'am, please log in again.' Watch, she gone be all surprised and shit."
"Oh! so I can log in? Great, that is just wonderful!"
"Yeah, uh-huh, Poof!-it's refreshed. Like I got a magic wand up in here. These people don't know shit. I let 'em think they do, but all the while, I'm the one knowing the truth a the matter."

Keep Yo' Complaints Ta Yerself

Cyph had a caller who felt entitled to enter her husband's account and was displeased with my soul sister when she was informed that she was not to receive access to said information. She got all huffy and said, "But I'm covered under his plan!!!" True to form, sister Cypher didn't skip a beat when she came back with, "Yeah, well, I'm covered under the blood of Jesus, but I'm still catchin' Hell." Damn, right she is, honey.

The Legend in Our Living Room

For those faithful Chronicles viewers, you may recall that on August 21st of last year I did a post of Cypher imitating the incredible laugh of a certain Detention Technologies employee. Well, Sunday evening I got a teary call from Franny informing me that Aurelius had Facebooked her to say that Bertrand passed away that morning. I know that I speak for everyone of us at New Age Slavery, as well as the old Detentions peeps, when I say that we are nothing short of full-stop shocked about this news. Bertrand was hilarious with a no-bullshit tolerance attitude. He had impeccable style and taste. Anyone who saw his footwear will agree. He was one of those incandescent people that everyone seemed to gravitate towards. The man was class all the way, no question, and he will be so very missed by all of us.

For Verification Purposes

We were recently talking about how every caller we get has to verify their ID & password to gain access and how fucked up would it be if before reporting a crime or calling 911 you needed to do the same. Por ejemplo...
"Yeah, yeah, Cyph, it'd be like: For wife-beatings, press 9. Suicides, please press 8..."
"Ohmigod, no, hold up, check this, Soul Sister: 'Ma'am may I have your date of birth?' 'THERE'S SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE!! HELP ME!!' 'Ma'am, I can't hear you when you scream at me. Please slow it down. I need your date of birth before I can process your request for aid...' Oh my Lord, how fucked up would that be!"
Then Laury Beth chimes in with her gem, "Wait, how about this: 'MY HUSBAND'S HAVIN' A HEART ATTACK!!!' 'Okay, Ma'am are you the primary on the account??'"
We may all just be New Age Slaves workin' the lines and fieldin' the calls, but god damn it, we can find silver lining in a black abyss.

Question of the Day

Should someone driving a $250,000 Bentley go through a Wendy's Drive-Thru?

Cypher and I are outraged to think that there is actually someone of such low caliber allowed to interact with polite society. I mean, that is just très gauche. Who on Earth would spend that amount of money on a precision automobile such as a Bentley, only to litter it with greasy food. It's appalling and tacky and these individuals should be taken to task for their despicable behavior. Our beloved coworker, Laury Beth, actually defends these humans begat from swine based on the fact that if "they're hungry and want Wendy's." I swore that her voice would not be heard on this survey, however, I am an open minded female and feel that both viewpoints be presented equally. Even though all of those bred from fine, upstanding families will agree that placing Wendy's fries, which quite frankly taste of people, into a Rolls Royce is nothing short of utter tackiness. If you feel the same, please comment; all others would be so kind as to keep those fast food fingers from the computer's keyboard.