Pray for Us

Jeanie, God bless her, had to take an irate caller the other night and listen to her rant for a solid 25 minutes. Apparently the woman wanted information on her husband, which, hello!, we cannot give out without his permission. This loon claimed she had power of attorney over her 27 year old husband even if he's on the toilet. What that means, we truly do not know. She then went on to shout about how she talked to (screamed at) John Smith at 2am and said to Jeanie, "That John Smith was stupid and rude [he's neither] and I know that isn't even his real name [it is] and he made me so mad that I screamed at him so loud that he made me scare my dog so much that he went and pissed the bed while my husband was sleepin' in it." Her diatribe continued and she explained that her husband is a firefighter and doesn't have time to talk on the phone and give permission to anyone; she's got power of attorney, God damn it. Jeanie eventually had to stop the woman and tell her, "Ma'am, I'm going to hang up now."
Everyone in the office was completely silent listening to Jeanie's end of the conversation. Once she clanged on that maniac she filled us in on all the deets. That's when Brad said, "Whew, that husband of hers is living the life of Deliverance probably tied to a bed somewheres. No wonder he's a firefighter. He's prolly like, "Put me into any burning building - just help me to end this." When J.S. came in and we told him that he was rude and stupid and made a dog piss the bed he doubled over laughing and told us that she screamed at him for 20 minutes, hung up, called back, and when he answered said, "Aw, fuck, YOU AGAIN." Oh yeah, she was a real peach.

Ouch

I had a caller the other day who needed to make a fast dentist appointment. He explained the situation thusly, "I busted a crown." "Ooo," I replied, "Which tooth?" "First one back from the incisor. I look like a meth addict."

Charming

Security Question: What is your favorite holiday?
Caller's answer: Meatfest

(gross.)

Oh Lord...

The other night, Jeanie got a call from her two sons, ages eight and ten. The phone call went something like this:
Jean: "Marco? What are you doing up? It's 10 o'clock at night."
Marco: "Mommy, me and Richie are on the computer. We wanna know your name as it appears on your credit card."
Jeanie then clenched her teeth and told them to go the hell to bed and stop buying things online. That poor girl, she'll be a functioning alcoholic by the time those boys get to high school.

Insanity

Favorite Fabric: mattress

Need I say more?

The Perfect Insult (à la 2nd Grade)

This one came from Jeanie regarding a caller:

She was a bottom dweller monkey face.

Busted

Upon noticing a certain type of bruise on my neck, Cypher asked, "Um, Star, did you get some extra lovin' over the holiday?" I, of course blushed and that's when Cyph said, "That's what I'm talkin' about. Get yer Barry White freak on, gurl!"