Trapper John, M.D. Memories

To pass the infinitesimal time at the office, I asked Cyph which celebrity curled her girlhood toes. She paused long and hard and I could see her eyes close as she thought back to those hot afternoons in her Grandmama's front parlor. There on the well worn, dark green carpet sat a nine year old, cross legged, pig-tailed girl on a round orange and olive crocheted pillow. Her big sienna eyes opening wide as a dark haired doctor appeared across the old Zenith television screen. Well, hello, Dr. Gates....

"Y'know, Cypher, it sez here on Wikipedia that his name's Gregory Harrison. Apparently he was in Falcon Crest & Touched By An Angel."

"Well, he can touch me ta-day."

The conversation turned to other 80s favorites such as Adrian Zmed, Rob Lowe - Dawn's pick, Lee Horsley, Tom Selleck, James Brolin, Bill Shatner, & Lee Majors. Ah, those long gone days of hunky beefcakes strutting across the small screen and sending our young loins a-clangin'! How we do so love to reminisce...

it should be noted that harrison also starred as eric roberts lover in "it's my party" - but i think if cypher knew that her two great loves filmed a passionate lip lock, that very well may send her over the edge and into some sort of frantic state that would be truly unhealthy.

When Stank Ass Breath Is All Up In Yo' Face

possible responses could be:

It smells like you got a mouth full of dead kittens.

Hot, burning garbage smells better than your mouth at this moment.

You are assassinating me with your breath.

Your breath is the reason Daddy left.

Cypher's All Time Favorite

"Alright ma'am, what type of browser are you using?"
"Um, well.....let me check....oh, it's The State of Georgia."

that one's right up there with "What is your member ID, ma'am?" to which she replied "The World Wide Web." and she was serious as a heart attack.

Inconvenient Stores

Cypher was at a local corner shop when she was confronted with a young and rather disgruntled worker. She placed her items on the counter and was greeted with, "You ready yet?" Cyph then displayed her Rambo-thousand yard stare on the kid. He lowered his eyes with the quickness and got right to baggin' up her stuff. "That's when he got hisself together and I snatched my bag offa that counter. You give me a fucked up reaction, you gonna get a fucked up response."

Monday-dreams

It pretty much goes without saying that Detention Technologies is a damn hard place to work. Just like walkin' that last green mile, honey. And those that hold power are akin to the Dementors in Azkaban. Take that, add the fact that it's day one of the work week and Sister Cypher and I get ourselves a mean case of the Mondays. That is when we dream our biggest and brightest. Today we found a home in the Keys that we have decided to purchase. We'll be closing next Friday and can't wait to spend the weekend there. It's a sweet deal - fully furnished and in our price range at a cool 2.5 mill.
In order to pay for our new luxury abode, we set up a lemonade stand and a kissing booth (Dawn said she'd lend her lips to the cause as well!), plus we entered a bunch of Double Dutch competitions. This weekend we are booked solid with events in Philly, DC, Boston, Queens, The Bronx, Harlem, and Hartford. It's a little known fact that the streets of Hartford, Connecticut are lousy with rogue double dutchers. We plan on wiping the floor with 'em, baby, so y'all watch out.

Star ♥ Peter Fonda

One fine afternoon in between calls at Detention Technologies, I turned to Cypher and asked which male celebrity old enough to be her father does she find attractive. Not missing a beat, she jumped right in with, "Eric Roberts. You know, that man has got to have women just fallin' at his feet" "And men as well," I added, "He inspires both sexes with his hotness." "Mmmhmmm, he is that appealing. I'd like to sit on his lap and call him Daddy. Yeah, he can get it anytime. He is that delicious, honey."
(Cypher ♥ Eric Roberts)

Just Another Ordinary Day

Here at Detention Technologies, we slave over every stoopid bloody call that jumps into our queue. It wasn't but a few months back that I answered one of these very calls and was immediately cut off mid sentence by a rather anxious young woman who blurted out, "Yeah I need to find a gynecologist. Now." Um, oh-kay? I then attempted to help her locate one online but she was becoming incredibly impatient and once again cut in with, "Look, here's my zip code, can't you just tell me the name of a gynocologist near me????" At this point I hit mute and yelled over my cube to Cypher, informing her of the crazed desperation this woman had concerning her nether regions. In true form, Cyph yells back, "So, she basically just told you that she got a stinky ass coochie. That's just nasty. (wait for it.....) 'My Stuff Is Burnin'!!!!!!!!'"
I'm sorry, but that shit is funny.