Grandmama Roxy's Catchphrase

When Cypher was growing up, no matter what she & her cousins were doing, Grandmama Roxy was always yellin' after them, "Y'all talkin' too much-you're runnin' up my lightbill!" "Close that damn door, dontchya'll know that yer runnin' up my light bill???" But few moments in life can be quite as cherished as being shouted at by a 5"1', 98 pound woman to "Knock off that jibber jabber flappin of yer gums! You are runnin' up my light bill fer heaven's sake!" God bless her, she is one helluva a lady.

And The Hits Just Keep On a-Comin'

Miss Cypher got herself a call not too long ago from a sassy sounding Southern gent who was mighty anxious about getting assistance to log into his account. Cyph guided him thru the torrent of links, loops, and hoops and got him in with grace and agility. He then exclaimed, "Yeah, I gots ta take dis here test fer mah job. I got dis companie like a dang monkey on mah back." "Well, thank you, George Michael," I replied, while my Soul Sister #9 hit back with "♪Why can't you set your monkey free!!!♫"

Farewell Detention Technologies....

I just received word that Detention Technologies has been taken over by the West Virginia based company, New Age Slavery. This sudden change has taken me back to my first day on the job. I was just settling in at my desk when I was tossed a pamphlet on what to expect from the company. I was so impressed with their honesty, that I would like to share with you some highlights: "Here at Detention Technologies we'll put you in an environment of inept training and then belittle you if you didn't comprehend the half ass training. Suck it up and get back to work. As for medical emergencies, there's no such thing. We have trained advisers to tell you to shove your grief and misery in a sack and take it to the incinerator. Don't get too comfortable in that swivel chair either, for we can fire you at will. And don't go worrying about collecting unemployment, because there is none. We have expert criminal accountants cooking the books so that we don't have to put out a penny. As for restroom breaks, you better not squeeze a drop without asking first because the bulls will crack their cudgel down upon your skull with the quickness. Thank you for applying to Detention Technologies, where we welcome modern day slavery with a smile."
So, it's rather apropos that they would merge with a company that firmly believes in carrying on the tradition of enslavement in the workplace. While entering the office yesterday, I noticed the company's motto being hung on the wall. It was inspiring, and so I would also like to share it with you, dear reader: "Here at New Age Slavery we do everything in our power to break your spirit. We will work you long hours with little to no compensation, just like the good ole days in the tobacco fields." They're still accepting applications, so send that resume on over!

April Eye Candy

a few months back, cypher & i grew closer thanks in part to the brilliant comedy show, the office. mostly, we bonded over our equal love of dwight schrute. at first glance, he's easy to dislike. severe hairstyle, distinctly unflattering eyewear, and most importantly, an incredibly abrasive personality. but as the series progressed, he became interesting and amusing followed by endearing with an occasional tender moment. he was very flawed and very human and once those characteristics were indentified, cyph & i fell hook, line and sinker.
rainn wilson plays him to perfection and that scene in the stairwell after he and angela broke up had me crying and hugging my freddie bear. you just know a performance is solid when you connect with a character so much so that to see them in that much pain actually causes your chest to ache.
thank god the writers strike is over b/c we can only go so long without our dwight k. schrute. i would also like to add that the number 5 on my speed dial is 1.800.984.3672. i call it whenever i'm stuck in traffic.


and here is rainn wilson out of character and just as sassy. y'know, there is something about a regular every day fella that just makes life that much sweeter...maybe it's their attainability or the sheer fact that you can grab a cup a coffee with them and gee, i dunno, actually have a decent conversation??? few things are as painful as sitting across from a man and faining interest whilst he yammers on and on about his recent hair care product purchases. puh-lease! give me a real man, or leave me with my ladies.

Trapper John, M.D. Memories

To pass the infinitesimal time at the office, I asked Cyph which celebrity curled her girlhood toes. She paused long and hard and I could see her eyes close as she thought back to those hot afternoons in her Grandmama's front parlor. There on the well worn, dark green carpet sat a nine year old, cross legged, pig-tailed girl on a round orange and olive crocheted pillow. Her big sienna eyes opening wide as a dark haired doctor appeared across the old Zenith television screen. Well, hello, Dr. Gates....

"Y'know, Cypher, it sez here on Wikipedia that his name's Gregory Harrison. Apparently he was in Falcon Crest & Touched By An Angel."

"Well, he can touch me ta-day."

The conversation turned to other 80s favorites such as Adrian Zmed, Rob Lowe - Dawn's pick, Lee Horsley, Tom Selleck, James Brolin, Bill Shatner, & Lee Majors. Ah, those long gone days of hunky beefcakes strutting across the small screen and sending our young loins a-clangin'! How we do so love to reminisce...

it should be noted that harrison also starred as eric roberts lover in "it's my party" - but i think if cypher knew that her two great loves filmed a passionate lip lock, that very well may send her over the edge and into some sort of frantic state that would be truly unhealthy.

When Stank Ass Breath Is All Up In Yo' Face

possible responses could be:

It smells like you got a mouth full of dead kittens.

Hot, burning garbage smells better than your mouth at this moment.

You are assassinating me with your breath.

Your breath is the reason Daddy left.

Cypher's All Time Favorite

"Alright ma'am, what type of browser are you using?"
"Um, well.....let me check....oh, it's The State of Georgia."

that one's right up there with "What is your member ID, ma'am?" to which she replied "The World Wide Web." and she was serious as a heart attack.