Friday, October 23, 2015

"Your User ID is...

TuPac7, sir. And I ain't mad at ya." Thankfully the customer found this to be amusing.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Overly Irritating Waiters

The other night after work a few of us went out for some grub and drinks. The waiter was particularly interested in Cypher and thought he would woo her by being a royal pain in the ass. Overheard by me:

"Yeah, can I get a Margarita?"
"Do you want top shelf?"
"Um, how much is that?"
"Two dollars more than a regular margarita."
"Uh-huh. And that would cost..."
"I'm not really sure."
"Well, how 'bout you find out and come back here and let me know."
"But it's only two bucks more."
"Yeah, so is it 10 and then 12 or are we lookin' at 20 and then $22 because, son, that's a big damn difference."

Then later he decided to make a suggestion:

"Hey, why don't you order the quesadillas?"
"Nah, I'm cool."
"Look, order the quesadillas and if you don't like them I'll pay for it and I'll buy ya dessert."
"Huh. Go on back to the kitchen and let me think on this for a while."

Monday, February 4, 2013

The Checkered Flag

"Hey, Cyph, only an hour and a half left!"
"Damn, Star, you sure know how to sweet talk me. Good thing we ain't in a dark room..."

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

A World of Veruca Salts

While discussing the ignorance of some callers, Cypher and I pondered how these same people might check out a book from the library.

"Hello, East Dystopia Library, how may I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like to check out a book."
"Um, where are you, ma'am?"
"Well, I'm at home..."
"Ma'am, you would need to come to the library if you want to check out a book."
"Well that's damn inconvenient. (click)"

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


NaaNaa: "This guy is breathing so loud, I feel like wiping my ear."

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Too Good To Be True

Bradley finally came in office the other day. Louise asked how his New Year's was and he told us, "Well, me and most of my family all went to this really great bar in Philly. At like 2am we all go out trying to get cabs and my cousin can't walk cause she wore stilettos. So I let her wear my shoes and put her in a cab home. Then I walked around Philly for another hour and a half looking for a cab wearing just my socks. Some homeless guy asked me for change and I was like, 'Bro, I don't even have shoes, what makes you think I have any cash?' Yeah, it was freakin' cold out, too." I can't believe she let him go around barefoot! Our Bradley is sweet as mince pie.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Out of boredom comes...

...stupidity. When I would get bored taking calls I would often liven things up by trying out different accents or using my phone sex voice. One afternoon I answered a call in a breathy voice and then realized, "Crap, I have to keep talking like this til this stinkin' call is over." (I've never been terribly bright.) Anyway, towards the end of my call the gentleman I was speaking with said, "It must spur on a young man's testosterone to hear your voice." I couldn't resist so I said, still sexin' it up, "Sir, I'm a man." Dead silence. "Just kidding, I'm a girl!" More silence.
I soon found other ways to occupy myself during calls; like coloring in coloring books. It gets me in less trouble.