Charming

Security Question: What is your favorite holiday?
Caller's answer: Meatfest

(gross.)

Oh Lord...

The other night, Jeanie got a call from her two sons, ages eight and ten. The phone call went something like this:
Jean: "Marco? What are you doing up? It's 10 o'clock at night."
Marco: "Mommy, me and Richie are on the computer. We wanna know your name as it appears on your credit card."
Jeanie then clenched her teeth and told them to go the hell to bed and stop buying things online. That poor girl, she'll be a functioning alcoholic by the time those boys get to high school.

Insanity

Favorite Fabric: mattress

Need I say more?

The Perfect Insult (à la 2nd Grade)

This one came from Jeanie regarding a caller:

She was a bottom dweller monkey face.

Busted

Upon noticing a certain type of bruise on my neck, Cypher asked, "Um, Star, did you get some extra lovin' over the holiday?" I, of course blushed and that's when Cyph said, "That's what I'm talkin' about. Get yer Barry White freak on, gurl!"