Cypher's All Time Favorite

"Alright ma'am, what type of browser are you using?"
"Um, well.....let me check....oh, it's The State of Georgia."

that one's right up there with "What is your member ID, ma'am?" to which she replied "The World Wide Web." and she was serious as a heart attack.

Inconvenient Stores

Cypher was at a local corner shop when she was confronted with a young and rather disgruntled worker. She placed her items on the counter and was greeted with, "You ready yet?" Cyph then displayed her Rambo-thousand yard stare on the kid. He lowered his eyes with the quickness and got right to baggin' up her stuff. "That's when he got hisself together and I snatched my bag offa that counter. You give me a fucked up reaction, you gonna get a fucked up response."

Monday-dreams

It pretty much goes without saying that Detention Technologies is a damn hard place to work. Just like walkin' that last green mile, honey. And those that hold power are akin to the Dementors in Azkaban. Take that, add the fact that it's day one of the work week and Sister Cypher and I get ourselves a mean case of the Mondays. That is when we dream our biggest and brightest. Today we found a home in the Keys that we have decided to purchase. We'll be closing next Friday and can't wait to spend the weekend there. It's a sweet deal - fully furnished and in our price range at a cool 2.5 mill.
In order to pay for our new luxury abode, we set up a lemonade stand and a kissing booth (Dawn said she'd lend her lips to the cause as well!), plus we entered a bunch of Double Dutch competitions. This weekend we are booked solid with events in Philly, DC, Boston, Queens, The Bronx, Harlem, and Hartford. It's a little known fact that the streets of Hartford, Connecticut are lousy with rogue double dutchers. We plan on wiping the floor with 'em, baby, so y'all watch out.

Star ♥ Peter Fonda

One fine afternoon in between calls at Detention Technologies, I turned to Cypher and asked which male celebrity old enough to be her father does she find attractive. Not missing a beat, she jumped right in with, "Eric Roberts. You know, that man has got to have women just fallin' at his feet" "And men as well," I added, "He inspires both sexes with his hotness." "Mmmhmmm, he is that appealing. I'd like to sit on his lap and call him Daddy. Yeah, he can get it anytime. He is that delicious, honey."
(Cypher ♥ Eric Roberts)

Just Another Ordinary Day

Here at Detention Technologies, we slave over every stoopid bloody call that jumps into our queue. It wasn't but a few months back that I answered one of these very calls and was immediately cut off mid sentence by a rather anxious young woman who blurted out, "Yeah I need to find a gynecologist. Now." Um, oh-kay? I then attempted to help her locate one online but she was becoming incredibly impatient and once again cut in with, "Look, here's my zip code, can't you just tell me the name of a gynocologist near me????" At this point I hit mute and yelled over my cube to Cypher, informing her of the crazed desperation this woman had concerning her nether regions. In true form, Cyph yells back, "So, she basically just told you that she got a stinky ass coochie. That's just nasty. (wait for it.....) 'My Stuff Is Burnin'!!!!!!!!'"
I'm sorry, but that shit is funny.

Speakin' the Truth

"They say JK Rowling makes more than the Queen. That's a shame. I mean yer the Queen. You're basically takin' everybody's paycheck and then a child book writer makes more than you. That's a shame."

This Sho' Ain't Kansas

"I like me some good rape scenes. On TV, that is. On TV? On OZ? Oh, yeah, let it go, baby. There ain't nuthin' wrong so long as it's all in my mind. I just like that shit."
"That's cool, cuz I like men to peepod on me."
"I hear ya, I like me a rusty trombone every once in a while."
(feel free to add your own pitch perfect trombone sound effect to the ending of that last statement.)

Tramp.

Sometimes that's all that needs to be said.