The Biggest Difference Btwn the Sexes

So Cypher was telling me how she just does not understand how women have absolutely no problem calling in and saying "Yes, I have a vaginal itch that I need to address..." It's like, hello! you just told the funkin' tech support about your coochie problems. That's when Cypher says, "Y'know, y'never hear men callin' in and sayin' 'Yeah, the doctor just jiggled my balls and I wanna know where those results are on the web.' That shit just don't happen. Men just fuckin' know better." That they do, my dear. That they do.

It's Official...

Star has joined the ranks of followers of Dr. Natura. Cypher and Aurelius had told me about it last year and my first 2 month supply arrived today. As my Soul Sister #9 put it, "He's my shit specialist." Indeed he is.

Who is your favorite historical figure?

And here are some personal favorites from our beloved callers:

Pinochio (note: this was spelled incorrectly and also, Pinocchio is a character of fiction, not history)
Nixon or Hitler
Celine Dion
Bruce Springsteen
Joe Mama
my wife
Ralph Macchio

And on a somewhat unrelated, but nevertheless absolutely hilarious note, when Aurelius needed to ask a caller his security question of 'What was the name of your first dog?' the response was 'Black Power.' I betchya no one in that neighborhood messed with that dog. I sure the hell wouldn't. However I do wonder whether it was a Rottweiler or a pink French Poodle...

That's Hot.

So, Friday at the office, Cypher and I were discussing the apparent heat wave that will be hitting the area Sunday and into the beginning of next week. We drifted into a discussion of how to cool off on these random, early fall, hot-ass days.
"Star, honey, all you gots to do is get yourself some ice and put it on your neck, your feet and in your crotchal region. But hey, just beware of hypothermia, y'know?"
"Whoa...that'd be a helluva way to end it, eh? I can hear it now: 'Officer, the cause of death...well, we found ice...in her...downstairs kitchen...' 'Is that a fact? Well, I hear it's good eats in that kitchen...'"
I don't know about you Chronicle readers, but that shit cracked me & Cypher the funk up.

What we deal with on a day to day basis:

"Thank you for calling New Age Slavery, my name is Cypher, how may I help you?"
"Yes, hello, Velveeta is it, well I seem to be..."

What a dumbass.