Classic Customer Names

Jingle Jonas
J. Quackenbush
Sassie Cox
Sparkle McManus
Groverton Spitznagel (this man was a complete doll)
Mister Arock (he refused to tell us his actual first name and said it was Mister and to leave it at that.)
TuPac Anderson (I actually got to say the words, "May I please speak with TuPac?")

Moron. One of Many.

I spent close to forty five minutes helping a customer log in. She was not getting it and would take so long that the site would time her out and she'd have to start all over. It got to her second time around and she once again got booted. I offered to register her on my end so as to get logged in and off my line. I went through it and once I got to the point where she would need to proceed she said, "Oh, hang on. I'm just walking a letter down to the mailbox." Are you fuckin' kidding me?? I seriously sat there and listened to her walk down the gravel drive, the creaking of the rusty metal mailbox, and even heard her yell to her neighbor, "Hi there Otis! How are ya today? Is Cheryl back on her feet again..." Unbelievable.

Cranky Ass Customers

Cypher: "Eh, Soul Sister."
Star: "Yeah girl, what's up?"
"This guy just tried to get all loud with me."
"Damn, did he know who he was talkin' to?"
"Clearly not."
"Well you tell him 'This is Cypher, don't make me put my sister on the phone cuz she is right in back of me.'"
(get it, cuz we're conjoined twins, joined at the spine...)

Wheel of Fortune

One day I was telling Cypher about this contestant on Wheel who lost her freakin' mind every time she won anything. I mean, she bought a vowel and nearly shit herself. She was really out of control and over the top. I informed Cypher that sadly, she did not win the big prize. That's when my soul sister came out with, "Hell, if she'd a won she probably woulda raped herself."